I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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