DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
