Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
