I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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