haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I could make wine with my vomit
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Randomize
