Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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