We named our party play list daddy issues
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is wine microwaveable?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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