Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
