Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
