I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
