Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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