So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
