Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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