I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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