doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
