she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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