Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am naked and annoyed.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
