90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
