life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
