She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
