If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
These tits shall not be calmed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Shame - the story of my life.
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