This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
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weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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