Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
