apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
