I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
