If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
