He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
