Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
