all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
did i just pee glitter
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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