Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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