Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
