Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we're making bets on your personal life
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize