She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
