Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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