the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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