Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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