We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize