Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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