God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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