I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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