I wish my penis had an off switch
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
