apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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