It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize