I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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