OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
