youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
