you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
