I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
