I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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