Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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