yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
