do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
