well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
