The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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