yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
