I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
