he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
