The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
