were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I could make wine with my vomit
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
