I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
