I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize