my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
