do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
