This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
