What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
