So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Mom said you looked used
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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