just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
