I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
